A personal update

Hello. I know I keep disappearing from the blog due to a number of reasons but behind the scenes I had managed to write quite a few new posts – nine in fact. I say ‘had’ because they still remain unpublished as I never thought for a second I would find myself writing something very personal instead.

Last month my dad sadly and suddenly passed away. It was from a heart attack and his last few hours will stay with me forever. I purposely avoided saying anything on social media (I don’t know why, I just didn’t feel comfortable doing it) but I now I can write about it.

I don’t think there is ever a right way to deal with bereavement; people handle it in their own way. The first week was tough but it was also busy. I was distracted with friends and family rallying around to console and support and I organised a funeral, which was dignified and beautifully done. The number of people phoning and walking through the door hasn’t stopped and there is a queue of more wishing to visit. It’s precisely this gesture that has given my family and I strength to deal with the loss. There aren’t enough words to express how thankful I am to everybody who’s called, texted, sent flowers, sent food and turned up on the doorstep. Friends and family are everything – even work colleagues past and present have been wonderful.

I was very fortunate to have Mohammad Shaikh as my dad and as my friend too. The relationship I had with him was extraordinarily special. He taught me so much from DIY to writing letters (even swear words in Urdu!) and had a wicked sense of humour. He called me his son (‘beta’ in Urdu), in fact it was dad (or ‘abba’ as I called him) who came up with the nickname ‘Sheenie’. (My name is Afsheen.) Because of how much he did for me, how much he sacrificed for me and the love and support he gave, I was adamant I would never break his heart and I stuck to that promise. It still doesn’t feel real that he’s gone and I am beginning to realise how true it is that you never get over the death of a loved one, you just learn to live with it. I do know life without him will never be the same, I just hope he was proud of me and I miss him so, so much.

I will be back on the blogging front very soon. I just wanted to share this post with you. Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me during this difficult time – you know who you are. I couldn’t have coped without your love and support.

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18 Comments

  1. 10th October 2017 / 7:51 PM

    I’m so sorry lovely sending you lots and lots of love and of course sending my deepest sympathy to you and the rest of your family x Take as much time out as you need x but you know where I am in cyberspace if you need an ear xx

  2. 10th October 2017 / 8:31 PM

    Thank you, Louise. I think I’ve resumed some kind of normalcy – returned to work last week and generally I am just keeping busy as it’s important to. Thank you for reading and taking the time to leave a few words. I know we have never met but it really does mean a great deal to me. xx

  3. Lima
    10th October 2017 / 8:52 PM

    Sheenie, I know it’s been a tough time for you of late, and as you say there’s no single ‘right’ way of dealing with such loss, everyone has their own way, and I hope yours has helped you through this. I’m just glad you’ve had so much love and support from your friends and family. And I know for a fact he would have been proud of you, undoubtedly. Take all the time you need, and you know I’m only ever a phone call or message away X

  4. 10th October 2017 / 9:26 PM

    Thank you, Lima. I will give you one of my legendary hugs when I see you next. xxx

  5. Lisa Redpath
    10th October 2017 / 10:16 PM

    I know for sure he was proud of you and I am so glad that i have wonderful memories of him. He was a man of such presence and dignity who was so caring of his family and friends. So sadly will be missed but will never be forgotten by anyone who met him xxx hugs and love to you all x

  6. Georgia
    10th October 2017 / 10:17 PM

    Oh Sheenie, I am so sorry to hear this.
    You say you were fortunate to have him a father and reading this I’d say that he is fortunate to have you as a daughter. Take care of yourself, sending you lots of love xx

  7. Michou
    11th October 2017 / 1:23 AM

    My deepest condolences on your loss. It’s so hard to lose a loved one, especially a parent, so quickly.

  8. Leanne
    11th October 2017 / 9:09 AM

    I love you, petal xxx

  9. 11th October 2017 / 4:33 PM

    Dear Lisa,

    Thank you for your lovely message. I’m so glad you got to meet him and became his adopted daughter. It’s really nice to know what he meant to you and how he left a lasting impression on you. Lots of love to you. xxxxx

  10. 11th October 2017 / 4:36 PM

    Georgia, thank you so much. I do count myself extremely lucky, in fact I never took him for granted. You really do wish your parents can be around forever. I am thankful to have a lot of fond memories of him but I will miss him every day. xxx

  11. 11th October 2017 / 4:38 PM

    Dear Michou, thank you for your words. Parents are like a safety blanket, always looking out for you and worrying about you and it doesn’t matter how young or old you are, you’re always their child.

  12. 11th October 2017 / 4:39 PM

    I love you, wifey! xxxx

  13. 11th October 2017 / 7:07 PM

    I don’t know you very well, but I am so sorry for your loss. I can hear the grief and devastation in your words, it brought tears to my eyes. I can tell you I’m sure he was very proud of you Sheenie! Sending my prayers to you, your family and Your Abba x ❤️

    Amina xx

  14. 11th October 2017 / 7:39 PM

    :'( Thank you for your sweet message, Amina.xx

  15. Emily
    12th October 2017 / 2:47 PM

    Love to you and your family. Wish I could be there xx

  16. 13th October 2017 / 4:53 PM

    Thank you for your card, Emily – just keeping us in your thoughts is more than enough. xxx

  17. Britny Alfonzetti
    13th October 2017 / 9:39 PM

    Not logged in for a while.
    Very sorry for your loss Sheenie.

  18. 13th October 2017 / 9:52 PM

    Thank you, Britny. Xx

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